I know it's a little early to already be looking at Christmas (especially when my birthday's in 3 weeks!), but lights and trees are starting to go up, and it's got me thinking about the month of December and how much I enjoy it. Now, I know there's plenty to not like in December, for instance it's cold. I happen to like the cold, and I hope constantly to have snow for both my birthday and for Christmas. Maybe snow's not your thing, if so I hope you live somewhere warm, because I'm focusing my will on bringing the thunder....err...snowstorm...for both of those days. Maybe you're not a fan of Christmas, I can understand that too, even if I don't share your sentiments. It can be a sort of polarizing holiday, and I think we as a society have very obviously strayed away from the intent. But, honestly, where has this society not strayed away from the original intent?
This post is mostly inspired by the song "Oh Holy Night." I love this Christmas song, it's my hands-down favorite. Why? It makes me cry. It wasn't always the case, I can think of songs I've liked more as a child or young adult, and I remember my pissy adolescent phase when nothing was cool, but now this song is the only reason I'll turn off the iPod and surf the radio waves during December. What does it for, every time, is when the song hits the "Fall on your knees" part. I think I get it now, that pure adoration the song is actually talking about (or what I think I it is), the Love of God made obvious and manifest here on Earth. I won't bother re-posting the lyrics, I trust people to be able to Google search on your own. But now, I don't hear a propaganda song for the Christian faith or some hokey old-timey song, I hear how the Divine, in whatever form you want to believe in It, deliberately sends us inspiration and love and support. You may not always see it, but it's always coming. I think this song reminds me of that; that there can be huge pushes where tons of positive energy descends from upon high and that there's the constant, stead-stream of it flowing through the fabric of this reality. So now, every time I hear that song, I tear up because I can feel that love, I know that love.
I normally have trouble with the whole "on your knees" submission part of anything. I frequently get in discussions with my dad about elements of Catholicism like this; the general idea of submission to the Will of God. I'm a free will sort of guy, I feel that the journey is meaningless without the ability to choose our own adventure. It's like the idea of being forced to do a good deed; if you're forced, was it actually a good deed? Was your soul improved by the undertaking if it wasn't your decision to do good? I touch on this topic a lot, how important self-determination is to me, and I believe to all of us. I have a friend in philosophy who likes to try to rain on every parade he can find that introduced some genetics/neuroscience combination studies which are leaning towards a new school of thought uncovered by experimentation. They're concluding that all of us, from our appearance to our brain chemistry, is pre-determined by our genes.None of this is new, and it's all mostly correct. However! They're beginning to conclude, in essence, that the way we're wired, determined by our genes, given at random from our parents, dictates how we will react to every situation. So, our genes tell us how we will decide, there is no thinking or evaluating choices, we're built to make "X decision" every time "Y choice" is presented. I think that's a load of deterministic horse shit.
Human consciousness seems to be constantly played down and explained away. I've even heard quotes from Steven Hawking implying that we're nothing more than biological robots. Not me sir, not me. I may have a body, a physical form to interact with this environment, but the 'Me' that's most real, (the True Self, Soul, the eternal and never-ending part that inhabits this temporary vessel) is not bound by genetics, the laws of science or society, and will not have my sovereign right to choose taken away from me. But this song, this line about 'falling on your knees' isn't a submission to me, and maybe that's the hiccup I've always had with 'submitting to the Will of God.' Here, the knees part refers to an overwhelmed person, humbly showing his/her appreciation for the miracle they are witnessing. The falling is a relief, an overjoy, not a subservient act. Well, not in my opinion at least. And maybe that's what submitting to the Will of God really is too, giving one's self over to the joy and appreciation, letting that love fill you and letting that be what you reflect: the very best of things.
I still have no desire to tow the line for Earthly organizations, churches, gov'ts, etc...but I'm certainly ok giving myself over to the very best ideals and values of existence. This holiday season, I intend on keeping that as my focus. Christmas has always been a winter festival of warmth and light to me, a time when even in the beginning of the cold season (here in the northern hemisphere) and in the midst of all the hibernating life and darkness, that all this light and warmth is still present and will always come back. This year, I want to be that light and warmth, beaming out to people through the haze of materialism, consumerism and other misguided distractions. This year, maybe instead of giving gifts of things to people (which I'll still do anyway, because it's fun) I'll try my hardest to instead show my unending gratitude for the best gifts I've ever received: existence, love, happiness, companionship. Maybe, in showing that gleeful gratitude, by becoming a Christmas tree of a person, "serenely beaming" (pretty, inviting lights and a fresh pine scent), I can inspire other people to do the same. And maybe this year we can all give the gift of appreciation back to our Source and to each other, and that same overwhelming, knee-buckling joy can be all of ours.
-M
Monday, November 26, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
Consciousness Shiftiness
It's been an interesting month since my last post. A lots happened, a giant superstorm (which I'll touch on quickly), the Presidential race and all the tension that comes of that, Halloween parties, homework assignments, transitioning into a new job, etc etc. So I've been justifiably busy for once.
I'm going to ramble today. My mind isn't distracted, but it is sort of pulling in several directions. Thankfully, they're all positive.
The bit on the storm I want to talk about is what I was able to witness, here in Wisconsin, half a country away from the event. I find most of my writing time here at school between classes, and I sit in the same spot I've always sat here in the library: 2nd floor, children's section, right in front of the humongous windows facing east. I can see Lake Michigan from here, as well as get a fantastic view of the surrounding area. I love it. But, on the particular day of Sandy's pre-impact, on that Monday, I could see, from where I was sitting, just how far the clouds of that system reached. I spent the whole of my break starring at the clouds, the high clouds moving north, the low clouds circulating south. This is, of course, very odd since all clouds have a west-to-east progression here. This isn't a big deal, but I was just overwhelmed by what I saw and wanted to comment.
So we keep ticking towards the 12/21/2012 date, and I find myself having to talk about it. I've always, always, always, felt like there was something on the horizon, something big and important, and because of its impending huge mysteriousness I've always felt very comfortable just taking my time and not being too concerned with some things around me. Everything felt temporary I suppose, like no matter what I did or what I built it wouldn't matter eventually because of "X." I don't think the world's going to end in a little over a month. I'm not sure I ever did. But, I am certain that something is going to happen that day. I know I'm opening myself up here to eat a big pile of crow if nothing happens, but I believe that the "thing" will be so subtle as to appear to have not happened. I feel different, and I keep feeling different as time goes on.
I don't feel older or more run down (though I am out of shape, and that needs to be resolved [and it is]),I feel more energized and excited for the future. I'm less scared of things and I'm slowly but surely losing my ability to actually stress about most aspects of life. My outlook keeps improving, my calmness is becoming my pronounced state-of-being, and I can feel my empathy expanding. It's hard to describe the over-whelming sense of happiness I can sustain, on demand, on a regular basis. I feel like all of this is the ramp up I've always been expecting, the transition that was going to have to take place before 'the Big Shift' coming at the end of the year.
Lately though, and this may only be the case for me, but I feel that the more I try to learn, absorb, or create to get me more towards my personal goal of ascension/transcendence/enlightenment/oneness/whatever, the more I feel a separation growing between me and the people around me. It's not the I feel that love diminishes or that I can't understand what they think or feel, but more of a (and this well make me sound conceited or egotistical, which I am, but I have no idea how to phrase it correctly without getting the point across) parent or wizened old adult interacting with children or less wizened persons. I feel like I get it, and they don't get it, yet. But I also feel like I've always been the person who would have to go forward and pave the way for others, so I'm comfortable with the temporary division.
My fears of the loss of attachment are fading away daily, melting like spring-time snow before the great revival of life that comes after winter. Everything, and I mean everything, is starting to feel divine, inspired, like a mechanism that is working exactly as it's supposed to. Looking around, you could say that the world looks bleak and growing more hopeless daily. But that's not what I see anymore; I see the potential to do great things, to make big and positive differences in both small and large scales, to do better and be better and to transition the world towards something better than it ever could have believed possible. Because I feel that the unbelievable is coming, it's unavoidable, and it'll be noticeable.
-M
I'm going to ramble today. My mind isn't distracted, but it is sort of pulling in several directions. Thankfully, they're all positive.
The bit on the storm I want to talk about is what I was able to witness, here in Wisconsin, half a country away from the event. I find most of my writing time here at school between classes, and I sit in the same spot I've always sat here in the library: 2nd floor, children's section, right in front of the humongous windows facing east. I can see Lake Michigan from here, as well as get a fantastic view of the surrounding area. I love it. But, on the particular day of Sandy's pre-impact, on that Monday, I could see, from where I was sitting, just how far the clouds of that system reached. I spent the whole of my break starring at the clouds, the high clouds moving north, the low clouds circulating south. This is, of course, very odd since all clouds have a west-to-east progression here. This isn't a big deal, but I was just overwhelmed by what I saw and wanted to comment.
So we keep ticking towards the 12/21/2012 date, and I find myself having to talk about it. I've always, always, always, felt like there was something on the horizon, something big and important, and because of its impending huge mysteriousness I've always felt very comfortable just taking my time and not being too concerned with some things around me. Everything felt temporary I suppose, like no matter what I did or what I built it wouldn't matter eventually because of "X." I don't think the world's going to end in a little over a month. I'm not sure I ever did. But, I am certain that something is going to happen that day. I know I'm opening myself up here to eat a big pile of crow if nothing happens, but I believe that the "thing" will be so subtle as to appear to have not happened. I feel different, and I keep feeling different as time goes on.
I don't feel older or more run down (though I am out of shape, and that needs to be resolved [and it is]),I feel more energized and excited for the future. I'm less scared of things and I'm slowly but surely losing my ability to actually stress about most aspects of life. My outlook keeps improving, my calmness is becoming my pronounced state-of-being, and I can feel my empathy expanding. It's hard to describe the over-whelming sense of happiness I can sustain, on demand, on a regular basis. I feel like all of this is the ramp up I've always been expecting, the transition that was going to have to take place before 'the Big Shift' coming at the end of the year.
Lately though, and this may only be the case for me, but I feel that the more I try to learn, absorb, or create to get me more towards my personal goal of ascension/transcendence/enlightenment/oneness/whatever, the more I feel a separation growing between me and the people around me. It's not the I feel that love diminishes or that I can't understand what they think or feel, but more of a (and this well make me sound conceited or egotistical, which I am, but I have no idea how to phrase it correctly without getting the point across) parent or wizened old adult interacting with children or less wizened persons. I feel like I get it, and they don't get it, yet. But I also feel like I've always been the person who would have to go forward and pave the way for others, so I'm comfortable with the temporary division.
My fears of the loss of attachment are fading away daily, melting like spring-time snow before the great revival of life that comes after winter. Everything, and I mean everything, is starting to feel divine, inspired, like a mechanism that is working exactly as it's supposed to. Looking around, you could say that the world looks bleak and growing more hopeless daily. But that's not what I see anymore; I see the potential to do great things, to make big and positive differences in both small and large scales, to do better and be better and to transition the world towards something better than it ever could have believed possible. Because I feel that the unbelievable is coming, it's unavoidable, and it'll be noticeable.
-M
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