The Slippery Slope

Well I'm not surprised that I took months to come back and start writing again. It's not that I forgot to do it or that I didn't have something to write about. It's more that I didn't want to. I kind of feel like I live my life under an all pervasive motivation dampening field. No matter how many good ideas I have for my time or what my state of mind is, I almost always resort to doing nothing. Has my subconscious manifested it's belief that all life is futile during my waking hours?! No, I doubt it. I'm sure my subconscious self has at some point deduced that life as it is seems to be stacked against the living, but I'm well aware of the potential for accomplishment and fulfillment, which means so is subconscious me. And, since we're still here and my dreams aren't dark or depressing (oddly enough) I can only conclude that both of 'us' have decided to keep on truckin'.

Getting back on track and to the point; I'm lazy. My guess is that I'm aware that I can continuously use the excuse that I've never tried that hard at anything so I really haven't failed at anything. It's a bad attitude to have for sure, and I know it. I'm trying, day by day, to get myself back in order. I feel like I've fallen, or that I never began at a standing position, and I need to right myself, get back on my metaphorical feet. I earned my black belt in Tae Kwon Do years ago now. Our school motto, when translated states: "Fall seven times, stand 8." Unless you're dense you get the meaning, persevere no matter what. What I'm doing now clearly isn't working for me, what I need to do is the question.

I have a plan of sorts of how to utilize my boundless free time and my decaying intellect and innate talents/skill sets. Expected items of the plan include working out more for the myriad positive outcomes it produces and reading stimulating books and articles to prevent the entropic decline of my brain processing power(I'm aware that "entropic" may not be the best descriptor for the decline of my brain power, but the steady march of existence per the thermodynamic mechanism of entropy intrigues me). Some unusual things I'm planning on doing, depending on your perspective, revolve around the idea of personal improvement in both useful and completely inane avenues of human existence. I'd like to learn things ranging from magic card tricks to hands-free cartwheels. Everything and anything is game, because I'm working under the assumption that any gained knowledge or learned skill is valuable intrinsically and therefore going to help to construct a better me. Also, this foolishness will help me use my time in a fashion that isn't so wasteful, because even if the thing I'm attempting to learn seems to lack an avenue of practical application, I'm at least learning something, using my cognitive powers of understanding and adaptation.

So that's the idea, the general framework for the "General Personal Enhancement Program." There is a "Specific Purpose Personal Enhancement Program" as well but that's got some time to go before implementation and has some kinks and quirks to work out. You may or may not have read the titles and interpreted an odd pang of mis-use with the word enhancement. Improvement seemed like a more contemporary and universal word to use in lieu of 'enhancement' but I'd like to think that there's no way to really improve on the human condition of existence. It's my belief we're filled with infinite potential for all things, good and bad. How we undertake to realize that potential defines our character and how we broaden our ability to experience our infinite nature is how we enhance our experience. So, enhancement. Hope today's post left you with more questions than answers, maybe it'll draw you back.

-M